Perfectionism Cripples Students - A Christian Perspective

PERFECTIONISM IS JUST FEAR IN REALLY GOOD SHOES

How many times have you heard it?  "Yeah, I'm a bit of a perfectionist."

Our culture revels in this ideal of perfectionism; it is no wonder so many are secretly struggling and quietly dying inside.  

The real truth is that we will never ever be perfect.  We cannot be perfect, and deep down we know that.  Our knowledge of imperfection brings us shame and a fear that we will not be loved, accepted, or cared for in our flawed state.  

The Christian View of Perfectionism
Enter the garden of Eden.  Absolute perfection.  This is what we are made for.  Is it any wonder that after Adam and Eve sinned that they hid themselves from God? They knew there were consequences for their actions and feared He would no longer want them - no longer want to interact with them.  Their fears were not unjustified.  God is utterly holy.  He could no longer walk with them the way He did.  But His Love -  His Love Never Stopped.  He made a very personally costly way to be in union with us again.  

Our fears are not unjustified either. We are sinful. We are imperfect.  People will disappoint, taunt, bully, and shame.  We will be hurt, and we will hurt others.  We are so flawed, and we can never be good enough on our own.  These feelings of inadequacy should lead us to God, but we have taken on the quest of perfection. 

Here we are today - a society of perfectionists jockeying for position and completeness both in a spiritual sense (that is wholly an impossible feat in which we are doomed to fail again and again) and in a natural sense where we have impossible standards to meet to raise our self-worth.

Does submitting to God's will and direction, giving thanks in all things, and daily taking up our cross invalidate personal dreams and goals?  Are we nothing but dust and sinners?

Yes, sinners in need of a God of grace and then we become sons/daughters and heirs meant to plow and till (Gen. 2, 3; Prov. 14:23), use our possessions and skills (Matt. 25:14-30), and be women (and men) working "with eager hands" and providing well for our families (Prov. 31).  God is a being of dreams, and without vision we fail (Prov. 29:18). 

Perfectionism then, is a devastating lie that we believe.  The lie, that although we are forgiven, our actions must still be always flawless for us to be loved and accepted.  It is the lie that, though God loves us and we are His, we have nothing to offer, no good we can truly accomplish. No matter what we do we will fall short. 

Where does this leave the accomplishment of goals and dreams? As a mentor of students grades 6-12, I work tirelessly to show them they can reach their goals, they can improve themselves, they can change the condition of their futures.  

Embracing Progress: Overcoming Perfectionism and Finding Joy

Our society glorifies perfection, but the truth is, it's an illusion. The constant pressure to be flawless can be paralyzing and lead to a cycle of disappointment and self-doubt.  

The Burden of Perfectionism

• Hidden Shame: We fear rejection if we aren't perfect, leading to a fear of starting new things or taking risks.
• The Broken Connection: Perfectionism distances us from God, as we believe our love and acceptance are conditional on our achievements.
• The Inner Critic: Perfectionists constantly judge themselves, never allowing themselves to enjoy accomplishments.
• The Cycle of Discouragement: Perfectionism leads to procrastination, avoidance, and ultimately, a sense of failure.

The Lies of Perfectionism

• "I'm not good enough, and I never will be.": This belief fuels the need for constant striving and achievement.
• "My value depends on my accomplishments.": We disconnect our self-worth from who we are as human beings.
• "Mistakes are failures.":  This fear of imperfection prevents learning and growth.

The Optimalist Mindset

The optimist shares the perfectionist's ambition but has a different perspective:

• Focuses on Progress: They celebrate "how far they've come" instead of dwelling on what's left to achieve.
• Learns from Mistakes: They see setbacks as opportunities to improve.
• Finds Inspiration: They are motivated by the success of others.

Building an Optimalist Attitude

• Challenge Rigid Standards: Replace rigid expectations with flexible, realistic goals.
• Open Communication:  Create a safe space for students to express their struggles.
• Prioritize Wisely:  Train students students to manage their own time, energy, and emotions.
• Set Attainable Goals:  Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps.
• Celebrate Wins:  Acknowledge achievements and growth, not just perfect outcomes.

The Cost of Inaction
Studies show a rise in perfectionism, linked to increased anxiety, depression, and self-harm.  Perfectionism can hinder academic achievement and career success.

Staying the course is always an option.  After all, many of us have lived our whole lives chasing this, and we may even believe it has helped us in our lives.  We may believe that if we weren't chasing this dream of constant perfection we would revert to laziness and achieve nothing!

The Cost of Perfectionism   

The American Psychological Association published a press release in 2018 that shows an individual's perceived pressure to be conform to a standard of perfection has risen by 10% between 1989 and 2016, and perceived socially prescribed perfectionism has risen by 33%!  The shock is that, although the number of high school seniors expecting to earn a college degree in 2008 was 80% higher than in 1976, the actual numbers of students completing those degrees has not nearly kept pace.  Students have been encouraged to pit themselves against others in post secondary institutions to climb a merit-based ladder that rewards grades over growth. We have generations of students failing to meet their overly high expectations.  It is no wonder then that  anxiety, depression, anorexia, bulimia, suicidal ideations and self-harm have raised sharply over the same period.

Perhaps you're not concerned about a college or university degree.   That's no problem, but your student will still need the confidence to go out into the marketplace and make a way for themselves.  Their self-worth and belief that they can fight through, grow, and succeed is paramount to their personal success.  Perfectionism sets them up for failure every single time.  Optimalism sets them up to grow and move with confidence into adulthood. The choice is easy.  The path is hard.   

Moving Towards Optimism

Embracing an optimist mindset empowers students to thrive.

• Develop Confidence:  Self-worth isn't tied to perfection; it's about personal growth.
• Embrace Effort:  Personal growth requires hard work and overcoming challenges.
• Find Joy in the Journey:  Celebrate progress and learning, not just the final destination.
  
  

Perfectionism is a burden – optimism offers freedom and growth.  Are you ready to help your student (or yourself) move forward?


About The Author:

Mrs. Theresa is a Language Arts Mentor; perhaps she coined that title herself!  Every week, she uses language arts and writing skills to mentor students in growth mindset, self-motivation, time management, and self-discipline in No-Nagging, No-Grading - hands off for parents - peer accountable classes!    She witnesses first hand the crippling effects of perfectionism every day and supports her students through the process of moving forward.

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