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No matter what age your child is, it can be difficult to not worry about their future college and career. I get a lot of questions from parents about how to best prepare their teens: Should I enroll them in summer programs? Will their middle school grades count? Should I guide them to a highly selective and/or very expensive college? Luckily, the answers are simpler than most parents realize, despite recent changes in admissions.
Stories about test-optional admissions, highly competitive admissions processes, and decreases in teens’ mental health are all over the internet. You’ve heard (and maybe experienced for yourself) the realities of student loan debt and seen the cost of college soar. With all this going on, how can you best approach your child’s future admissions process (and keep your and your teen’s sanity in check)? Here are some tips for parents of middle school and high school students, offered from a college consultant who spends her days working with teens applying to college. (Tips for parents of high school students are below those for parents of middle school students.)
College Admission Prep Tips for Parents of Middle School Students:
1.) Focus on exploration and experiences.
Encourage your middle schooler to try new things. Let them know it’s okay to fail and decide they don’t like doing an activity. Help them discern if they feel this way due to a minor set-back, and therefore should continue trying to improve, or if there are other factors that truly make the activity a bad fit for them. By doing this, pre-teens and teens learn to be more comfortable stepping out of their comfort zone, that one failure does not need to be the end of their story, and that you will be there to guide them through their difficulties with acknowledgement, understanding, and communication. While attending a summer program may be a good way to help students dive into their interests and try new things, it doesn't have to be! Colleges know not all families can afford these, so encourage your teens to utilize the resources available to them. Being open to and trying new things is an essential skill that will help them as they go through high school and select a future college or career path.
2.) Build a solid academic foundation and look beyond the grades to be sure they actually know the material. (Grade inflation is real.)
Doing well in middle school can help students adjust successfully to high school academics as well as keep their future college options open. Opportunities for students to take high school courses during middle school, such as Algebra I, not only build a student’s confidence as they leave 8th grade, but it can help them in the college admissions process a few years down the road. The most competitive colleges, and increasingly the most competitive majors, often expect students to have completed a Calculus course in high school. For most students, this requires starting 9th grade having already completed the freshman math curriculum.
It's also important to know that grade inflation is real. A 3.8 GPA today is not what it was 20 – 30 years ago, when you were in school. I’ve seen students who receive straight A's not actually ‘know’ or remember what they learned just a year prior, and this can cause them to struggle in the following year's classes. Understand how your child is graded in each course, and ask their teachers what your child’s weaknesses are (despite their grades), and if needed, get them help now. Getting a high grade is great on paper, but high grades are not everything. They can mask a child's lack of understanding of an actual topic, which can cause students to suffer as they move along in their education.
(A quick note - colleges will not look at a student's middle school grades. The exception to this rule is if a student takes a high school course, such as Algebra I, while in middle school, that course will be on a student's high school transcript.)
3.) Work on those life skills.
Having good study, organizational, and time management skills can make a dramatic difference. Once high school level academics and activities enter the picture, students can become really, really busy. Helping them explore and find techniques that work for them in middle school will pay dividends in a year or two. In addition, help them understand the consequences of their mistakes. Did they not turn in an assignment? Not study enough for a test? Discuss why this happened and help them identify strategies that may work for them so that next time they do better. When they do improve, even if just a little, encourage them to keep working at it. A middle schooler learning how to improve their grade from a B to a B+ may seem like ‘not enough’ to a parent (or student), but the skill and discipline a middle schooler acquired in doing this on their own or with minimal assistance, is best learned now so that they don’t struggle as much when academics are more difficult and they have more going on. Set the foundation of these skills so soon as possible so they can continually improve them.
4.) If your teen is already worried and stressed out about college admissions, redirect.
I know for many parents, admissions isn’t the top thought on their minds for their 6th grader. But the reality is that middle schoolers are on social media. They overhear comments from family, friends, and others in their community. While many are well-meaning, thinking of getting into a hyper competitive college is enough to stress out an adult, let alone a middle school student. And what many students don’t understand is that success in college and in life is not dependent on getting into a specific college. So, if you notice your middle schooler worrying about that, encourage them, redirect them, and focus on developing their interests. This encouragement, support, and offering of opportunities to dive deeper into their current hobbies and activities will help them significantly when it becomes time to build that college list.
College Admission Tips for Parents of High School Students:
1.) If you skipped the middle school section above, go back and read it.
It’s never too late to improve academic and life skills. It’s still solid guidance for high schoolers!
2.) The highly rejective colleges that make the news for 7% acceptance rates (or lower) are a tiny fraction of colleges in the US, and most colleges accept more than 50% of students.
While there are many reasons why the acceptance rates at some colleges are dropping (that’s a story for a different time), there are also so many amazing colleges and programs out there that (often purposefully) have higher acceptance rates. And, repeat after me, a high acceptance rate does not equal a ‘bad’ college. As colleges continue to compete for students, one positive result has meant that so many more colleges today offer some incredible opportunities to their students, even (especially?) at colleges you’ve probably never heard of. After all, it’s what a student does while in college rather than where a student attends that makes the biggest impact on their future.
3.) College does not need to cost $80,000 per year (or more).
There are so many ways to save money on college. The best ways boil down to three things:
a.) Understand how each college awards their scholarships and grants. Some award more money based on a family’s financial need while others award more money based on a student’s academic achievements (known as Merit). Knowing how your family’s financial situation relates to the Financial Aid process, and discovering this during the early high school years, can save families a lot of money.
b.) Be open to colleges that don’t have as much name recognition. Many institutions that are not as well known are also significantly less expensive and/or offer excellent scholarship opportunities. In addition, consider institutions in less expensive parts of the country. (Yes, this sometimes means considering colleges in more rural locations.) Even out-of-state colleges can often end up being equal to or less expensive than ones in a student’s home state, depending on the state you live in and student’s personal situation. Another benefit to saving money on tuition is that for some families, this means they may be able to help fund a student’s study abroad experience or internship in a different city, helping them to build their resume. Money saved in undergrad may also help pay for a student's graduate degree, if they plan to go. (Pre-med, anyone?)
c.) Take advantage of AP or Dual Enrollment courses, CLEP Exams, or attend a community college for a year or two before transferring to a four-year institution. Check with your teen’s school counselor to see if their school offers AP or Dual Enrollment options. Does a student have knowledge about a subject but no AP exam? Try testing-out of a particular class by taking a CLEP exam. Always check with the colleges your teen is applying to to see what credit they award for AP exam scores, Dual Enrollment credits, and/or CLEP exams. Every college has their own policies. Finally, consider a community college. Get those general education courses out of the way at a fraction of the cost. Does your teen still want a dorm experience? Some community colleges have dorms!
4.) Allow your teen to consider trade schools and other careers that don’t require a four-year degree.
If your teen has an interest in a career that requires a certification, associate degree, or apprenticeship, encourage their exploration into these fields. Learning a trade typically requires less time and money, and there are ample career opportunities that pay more than what some students with a four-year degree are likely to earn. Attending a trade school is nothing to look down on. It might just be the smartest decision your teen makes at this point in their life! After all, college is not for everyone.
5.) Acknowledge the admissions process can be daunting for high school seniors (and families).
The good news is that students can apply to many different colleges using a shared application. Many colleges accept the Common App, which is the most well-known application, but there are also the Coalition App, the UC App (for the University of California system), the Apply Texas App (for many Texas institutions), and the Common Black College App (for HBCUs), as well as independent applications, designed by an individual college. (Yes, there are more applications than just this list.) In addition, even if a student is fortunate enough to only need to complete one of these shared applications, they will still probably need to write several essays, as each college can ask their own questions and require their own unique essay prompts within a shared application. Navigating different deadlines with different requirements, figuring out how to best write out the activities they completed in high school, and finding the time needed to write insightful yet unique essays, all while staying on top of their senior year academics, is quite a challenge. Partnering with a college consultant who is a good fit for your teen, who deals with all this professionally every day, can significantly help in managing the college search, application, and essay-writing process.
As a college consultant who used to be skeptical of college consultants myself, I’ll just say that most families don’t know what they don’t know. Most people wouldn’t buy a house and take out a mortgage without some guidance from a realtor. So why do we expect teens to know how to navigate a purchase and commitment with similar financial consequence to buying a house on their own? Even the smallest bit of guidance can significantly help a student and family reduce their stress through the admissions process.
6.) Reassure your teen (and yourself). They can be successful wherever they attend college, if they choose to put the work in.
Many parents tell me, after all is said and done with their teen’s admissions journey, that they wish they wouldn’t have worried so much…everything just sort of ‘worked itself out.’ Your teen is an amazing person, capable of many things. No, they probably won’t be accepted to every college they apply to, even if they have perfect grades. That is okay. Learning to deal with and move on from rejection is an important life skill.
When teens apply to a balanced list of colleges (which should be necessary for every teen), they are very likely to receive at least a few college acceptances. Help them get excited to attend a college that truly is looking forward to having them join their campus community. Explore in depth all the opportunities your teen’s college offers them. Too many students don’t take advantage of what is available and leave excellent (paid-for) opportunities on the table.
About the Author:
Carissa Hoitenga is an Independent College Consultant and owner of Equipped College Consulting, LLC. Based in Florida, she works with teens and their families virtually all over the U.S. (and occasionally abroad).
Carissa focuses on educating teens and their parents about the current college admissions environment and guiding teens through the application process. As a former English instructor at a university, she supports students through their admissions essays utilizing her own discussion-based method which includes a focus on critical thinking and writing, where the goal is to teach better writing skills and not simply "edit."
Working with a wide range of students, she’s celebrated their acceptances to colleges ranging from Ivies to community colleges. Some institutions her students have recently been accepted into include Brown, Harvard, University of Pennsylvania, NYU, UC Berkeley, UCLA, University of Michigan, Purdue, Case Western Reserve, University of Florida, Emory, University of Virginia, Marquette University, Whitman College, and other highly selective (and not-so-selective) institutions and programs. Guiding students to apply to colleges that fit their needs and will best support their unique selves is the priority.
Carissa provides comprehensive college consulting services, college essay guidance, formal college list reviews, college admissions prep courses, and academic mentoring. As a former international education professional, she also offers study abroad program consulting. Wondering if partnering with Equipped would be a good fit for your teen? Schedule a free consultation.
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